As some of you may know I am in a relationship with a man that has a six year old son. I use the term “Step-mum” very loosely in terms of describing myself. My partner and I are still in a long distance relationship at the moment while I study let alone married so obviously, there are certain criteria of the role that I cannot yet fulfill. However, I digress. My relationship with my partner’s son is not one of mother and son. That is not something I aim to achieve-he has a mum and her and his dad have done an amazing job with their child. I am his dad’s partners but above all, I am his friend, someone he can trust and a constant source of fun.
Dating a dad
Entering a relationship with a father was not something I envisioned myself ever doing. Especially not so young, I was only 18 when my partner and I started dating. Obviously it was a lot to take on, at an age when all of my friends were going out to a club on a Friday night I was with the boys having movies and snuggles and I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. Going out clubbing had never been my idea of fun, I was not (and still am not) a massively sociable person. I had my circle of friends and we usually picked a quaint little cocktail bar over club. However, this does not take away from the fact that at time it could be very over whelming. But that was something I soon accepted and as soon as I did that, adjusting to the …life change (for lack of a better phrase) became so much easier.
Meeting for the first time
It was agreed that there would be no meeting of my partner’s son until we had an established relationship and there was no rushing in to it. However, after six months of knowing one another and three of dating he made the decision that if it was okay with me, he wanted us to meet. We both knew we were committed to one another and in it for the long run so the date got moved forward. To say I was nervous that morning was an understatement. The butterflies in my stomach were no longer fluttering but angrily bashing off one another. I was scared of meeting a four year old. This was a feeling I had the first couple of times of seeing him. Although the bond wasn’t instant with him he didn’t cry at the sight of me which I took as a plus! Well, it’s two years down the line so I must have done something right!
Accomplishments and our Bond
Even now some family and friends do not understand my decision to pick family time over the student lifestyle and honestly? That is completely fine. They can think that because I am happy. I am more than happy. From very first meeting him, he despised having his toe nails cut. It wasn’t a fun experience for him. One night, before swimming we were in heavy negotiation with the then five year old about cutting his toe nails. After seeing me cut his daddy’s toe nails and the bribe of sweeties he let me cut one of his toe nails- a massive accomplishment in itself for me. We were sat chatting about what we were going to do at swimming, what sweet he was going to have for letting me cut his big toe nail and what he enjoyed about that day. “right, done” I said to him and he looked at me delighted that he had got through his big toe. Then he saw that I had done both feet while we were chatting. That look of confidence boost on his face made my day. On a number of times over the last two years I have had the privilege of seeing this look on his face. The sudden realisation that he has just overcome something that moments earlier terrified him. It resonates trust also, he trusted me like he did his dad.
Best decision of my life
My decision to enter the life of not only my partner but also his child is one I will never regret. Both of them bring me so much joy and happiness. Now, I’m not trying to use this post to scream at people that they should all date parents over what makes them happy. That isn’t the case at all. I just wanted to talk about my experience so far of dating a dad from a young age. it took a while for me to wrap my head around the fact that to him, I am not just his dad’s girlfriend but his friend. I play an important part in his life. It truly is an honour to be able to be part of a child’s life and watch them progress from such a position. Especially when the child is just so delightful. I may be bias but he really is a credit to his mum and dad.
Anyhow, as always, it has been a pleasure. Ta ta for now, Em xo